MLIA

Today, i was looking at a picture of Ronald McDonald and my seven year old brother asked if he was Lady Gaga.

Today I was walking around a girl who was stumbling around drukenly. I did think she was drunk until I realized she was just lurching around trying to catch snowflakes on her tounge. Assupmtions withdrawn.

Today, I found out that had I been a boy my parents would have named me Oscar. My last name is Mayer. I love my parents.

Today, my biology teacher told us that one male makes enough sperm in his lifetime to fertilize every egg in the world. After a brief pause, he proceeded to yell "SPERM POWER!" He is 80 years old, and entirely awesome.

Today, I was driving around town doing errands. As I came to a stop light I noticed the bumper sticker on the car in front of me. "Buckle up. It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your vehicle." Best. Reason. Ever.

Today, a kid in my class dropped his pencil. It hit the ground, and when he picked it up, he dropped it again onto his desk and it rolled of. His response to all of this was: "Well son of a motherless goat!"

Today, me and about 9 of my friends decided to do a Secret Santa gift exchange. One of my friends drew the name of a girl we don't really like, but feel compelled to buy for nonetheless. We asked my aunt what she should get her. She suggested "Condoms. Then poke holes in them with a needle. She'll never notice." I am proud to be related to this woman.